just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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