just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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