It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
