I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
