yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
