It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize