So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
cat food counts as protein by the way
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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