I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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