You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize