i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
