I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
