Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
