which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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