He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
