I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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