And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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