yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
