Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
God, I missed his penis.
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