so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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