my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
