Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize