Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
