Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
