Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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