I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
