remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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