I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize