This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
