i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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