I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
