is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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