He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize