If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am one with the molecules
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
