I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
