when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize