I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
