So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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