He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love you. Go after that dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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