i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
