What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
