It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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