I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
