Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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