Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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