he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
