did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
