im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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