Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
