So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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