well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
