somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
