that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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