Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
