Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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