Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
