Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
