Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
