shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
