Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
