I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
