If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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