Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
