dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
