He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
