Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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