is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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