Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
