I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
