what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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