Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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