I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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