shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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