Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize