I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
