I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
