her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
