I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
