i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
