He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize