Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
